Excerpt Critique: “Legend of Dark Mountain”

by author

Cabin in the foggy woods

Please welcome today’s aspiring author Joy Keeney, ready for a peer critique.

Take a moment to read the excerpt and leave some thoughtful feedback in the comment section below.

If you are a writer whose excerpt has appeared anonymously on Write It Sideways, and now you’d like your name to appear on your piece, contact me.

If you’d like to submit your own writing for critique, keep an eye out for future calls posted on the blog.

Legend of Dark Mountain

Short Story

*Please note: This excerpt is taken from the beginning of the work.

“Yes!” she shouted. Then she remembered she was at the library. “I’m sorry,” she whispered, returning her attention to the article she just found. Twenty-six year old freelance writer Caitlyn Ellis had spent the past week at the Silverton County Library searching through countless sheets of microfiche. She had read hundreds of articles dating back to the mid-fifties and interviewed dozens of so-called witnesses to the legendary Bigfoot. Time and time again she left with nothing. Oh sure, they all had good stories to tell, but not one could give her what she was looking for: concrete proof. Caitlyn was serious. She wanted more than some wild tale and blurred Polaroid of some supposed Sasquatch. Her grandfather told her stories about his quest to find Bigfoot and how he was positive they existed. After his passing, she made it her mission to finish what he started: to find the illusive Bigfoot, or at least someone with solid proof. She also planned to use this story to launch her writing career. She was going to write a book about her experience.

“I need one copy of each of these please, Ms. Shirley,” she said, handing several sheets of microfiche to the silver-haired librarian.

Why are you so interested in these folks?” she asked.

“I’m doing research for a story I’m writing.”

“Are you one of those big shot writers from New York City?”

“No ma’am, I’m not… not yet anyway,” Caitlyn replied. She turned to leave.

“She still lives here. In a cabin near the base of Dark Mountain, if it’s her you’re looking for.” The librarian’s words halted Caitlyn in her tracks.

“Excuse me?” Caitlyn asked, turning back around.

Potential Feedback Prompts

When you respond, you might consider:

  • your immediate reactions
  • likes and dislikes
  • anything that seems unclear
  • language issues
  • point of view
  • voice
  • inconsistencies
  • general encouragement

Thanks!

 

{ 16 comments }

Previous post:

Next post: