Please welcome today’s aspiring author, Yve Camino, ready for a peer critique. Take a moment to read the excerpt, then please leave some thoughtful feedback in the comment section below.

If you are a writer whose excerpt has appeared anonymously on Write It Sideways, and now you’d like your name to appear on your piece, please contact me.

If you’re interested in submitting an excerpt to be critiqued, keep an eye out for a call for submissions coming soon.

My Johnny

General Fiction

Small puffs of dust rose as her bare feet pounded the sun-baked track, She ran like a soul possessed. Would she be too late? In the distance she saw a recognisable shape through the heat shimmer, she called out ‘Johnny, Johnny’ but hardly a croak rasped out of her dust dry mouth. He hesitated, glanced back over his shoulder and stopped, a smile transforming his pale features as he began to walk back towards her.

‘I thought you weren’t coming, what happened?’

She pointed to the backs of her legs where angry red welts criss-crossed.

‘I could have stayed in my room all day or get the razor strap.’

‘That must have really hurt, you should have stayed in your room.’

‘I wanted to be with you.’

Her shining green eyes gazed up into his. He squeezed her hand and said: ‘Hungry?’

‘Mmmmmm’

‘Let’s go to my place first, the frogs aren’t going anywhere and Wilma can put something on your legs.’

Skipping beside him to keep up with his long strides, she marvelled at how he always knew just what to do – it must be good to be 7. She wasn’t even 4 yet..

‘What did you do this time?’

She shrugged her thin shoulders ‘I think I forgot to feed the chooks.’

The old wooden gate protested wearily as Johnny pushed it open and held it for her to squeeze through. ‘Beat you to the house’. She scampered ahead and touched the verandah post first. Of course it wasn’t really fair, because Johnny couldn’t run. Her Mum said it was because his heart didn’t work properly and that’s why he hardly ever went to school.

Potential Feedback Prompts

When you respond, you might consider:

• your immediate reactions
• likes and dislikes
• anything that seems unclear
• language issues
• point of view
• voice
• inconsistencies
• general encouragement

Thanks!

Today’s post is written by regular contributor Susan Bearman.

Like third graders writing a report, beginning writers tend to believe that writing a first draft means their work is done.

While completing the first draft of a manuscript, whether a short story or a full novel, is a huge accomplishment, writers are never “done”. There’s always a next step. But that’s OK.

In fact, that’s great, because writing is a process, not a product. If you’re lucky, you will produce some finished products along the way, but the process is ongoing. And each step offers an opportunity to hone different writing skills.

First Draft—No Holds Barred

We have Anne Lamott to thank for coining “sh$!!y first draft” (SFD) in her classic writing memoir, Bird by Bird. And we should thank her, because that’s what first drafts are. We squeeze our guts out onto the page (or screen) just so we have something—a bare beginning, a wonderful character, a glimmer of an idea—with which to work.

This is the free-form part of the process. Enjoy every minute of it. Lock your inner editor in a closet and let your imagination run wild. Spend some time asking “What if …?” Then put every crazy notion you can think of in this SFD and give yourself permission to make mistakes.

When you’re finished, remember a first draft is just that — a first draft. Your final manuscript will go through many revisions (that’s revisions, plural). So, revel in finishing that first draft … for about five minutes. Then put it away to marinate, and get busy on another project.

Revision—Honing and Shaping

I personally love the revision process, but many writers loathe it. If you’re one of them, the first thing you need to revise is your thinking. Revision is where you hone and shape your masterpiece, a land of opportunity where you get to:

• exercise your craft to the fullest.
• ask your characters who they really are and what they really want.
• throw in plot twists that will keep your readers on the edge of their seats.
• weave subplots together into a rich tapestry of story.
• explore all the possibilities your rough draft offered to discover the story you were meant to tell.

A great writer and teacher, Esther Herschenhorn, offers the best, most thrilling definition of revision I’ve ever heard. She even pronounces it differently: re-visioning.

Revision is a chance to look at your story all over again from a different perspective. When you learn to see your story anew, with fresh eyes and vigor, each draft will take it to a higher level.

This is also the time to bring in your critique group. It’s often helpful to ask beta readers to concentrate on specific areas for feedback, such as:

• plot holes, inconsistencies, and point of view
• scenes that drag or soar
• things that confuse
• clichés or lazy writing

Remember what revision is not:

• it is not a line edit.
• it is not a final edit.
• it is not something you will accomplish in one read through.

The revision process can take a long time, often longer than the first draft. Give it the time it deserves. When you’re completely satisfied, then it’s time to polish and prepare your manuscript for submission.

Final Edits—Making It Picture Perfect

If you tend to be a little OCD, this is the stage where you can pick nits to your heart’s content. Comb, trim, slash, polish, buff, and beautify until your words glow in the dark. Be ruthless.

Even the best editors, however, have a hard time doing final edits on a manuscript they’ve lived with day in and day out through rough drafting and revisions. This is a good time to hire or beg an editor to help. You must have at least one fresh set of eyes proof your work.

Queries—Nothing to Fear

Writing a pitch or query letter seems to be the most hated job writers face, but I’ve never understood all the angst.

You’re a writer. This is just another form of writing, a chance to sell your work (first) and yourself (second) to people who want a good read. If you don’t believe your work is great, no one else will either. If you don’t know what it’s about or who the target audience is, neither will an agent or a publisher.

But, if you have written a great story (you’ll know), if you have polished it until it shines (if not, go back), if you have done your research and know your target audience, then writing a query letter will be a snap.

Keep it short, drop the adjectives, and stick to the plot. A query letter should make an agent want to read more of your writing. Keep in mind that queries are almost always written in the present tense and third person, even if the story is not. Use your best writing to:

• Introduce your main characters. In one or two sentences, make an agent want to meet them.
• Outline your plot. Don’t leave an agent guessing; summarize the beginning, middle and end.
• Show why you are the only person who can tell this story. Include only relevant writing credits.
• Say thank you and sign off.

Write to a real person and spell his or her name correctly. Follow submission guidelines to the letter (many are available online).

BIG WARNING: If you pitch to more than one agent, be sure to change the name on your salutation. This is a major faux pas when copying and pasting a query, and a great way to get an agent to hit the delete key.

If you have done your job, the query should practically write itself.

The “Elevator” Pitch—Short and Sweet

Every book needs a knockout “elevator” pitch—a brief, marketing-oriented synopsis of your story. You can write it at any stage of the process and revise as necessary. Pretend you have a top agent in the lift with you and that you have only the time it takes to get to the eleventh floor to grab her attention. The pitch should be a truncated, inverted version of your query that answers:

• What is the genre?
• Who is your reader?
• Who is your main character?
• What is the conflict?
• Why do we care?

Practice this pitch. Out loud. You never know when you might need it. If you’re overwhelmed by the idea of creating an elevator pitch for your own manuscript, try writing one for your favorite book first.

Remember, all you need is two or three lines, but each word has to count before those doors open on the eleventh floor.

Give Yourself Time

Don’t rush the process. Between each stage, let your manuscript percolate for a bit. This doesn’t mean you should stop writing. Never stop writing. It just means that it’s pretty hard to shift gears on the same project. Many writers find it useful to work on different stages of several projects.

For example, say you’ve just finished that SFD of your new novel. Put it away and go back to a piece you’ve already drafted and begin revising. Then write a query for a piece you’ve already polished. Or take out that short story you loved that was rejected last year and resubmit it. Then start outlining something new. The key is to have lots of work in the pipeline.

There are more steps to the process, of course: submission, rejection, revision, acceptance, publication, marketing … it never ends. Embrace step with enthusiasm and you will become the writer you want to be.

Please welcome today’s anonymous aspiring author, ready for a peer critique. Take a moment to read the excerpt, then please leave some thoughtful feedback in the comment section below.

If you are a writer whose excerpt has appeared anonymously on Write It Sideways, and now you’d like your name to appear on your piece, please contact me.

If you’re interested in submitting an excerpt to be critiqued, keep an eye out for an upcoming call for submissions.

Morning After

Horror

You know something strange has happened when the slowly dawning consciousness doesn’t seem quite right. Your brain slowly climbs towards the light of day, picking out anything out of place on the way. What is with this bed? It’s hard – hard and cold. And the pillow? Something is definitely wrong with the pillow. And the smell? It smells disgusting, like week old meat when the fridge has failed. You try opening your eyes, the light burns like two red hot pokers. You try again. It still hurts but it’s unbearable. You try again – success. You blink, slowly taking in your surroundings. You realise you are lying on metal, which explains the coldness, but still doesn’t help you place where you are. You grope around. You explore an edge with your fingers. Another edge on the other side as well. Okay, so you are on a table. You swing your legs around and try to get up and almost pass out from the pain. Your chest hurts. You run your hands over it, realising there is a line of stitches running up from your belly to each shoulder. You try again and manage to control the pain, but only succeed in rolling off the table. Pain blooms all through your body and darkness pulls at your vision

Slowly things brighten again. It’s darker down here out of the brightlight, which is nice. You slowly look around. The table you were on is one of many. You try to count and fail. That part of your brain just doesn’t want to assist at present. You slowly get to your knees, ignoring the pains of protest from your legs. It hurts. You slowly put one leg beneath you and raise yourself up, feeling dizzy you grasp hold of the table. The dizzyness fades, but your reactions feel sluggish, like your brain is a 1000 miles from your body. You look around again. Okay… metal tables, little metal doors on one wall… sudden realisation dawns that you woke up in a morgue. You hear shouts outside the main door. Someone is coming. Perhaps they can help. You start to stagger towards the door. Suddenly it crashes open. A man with a baseball bat stands before you. You don’t think he is here to help. The last things that go through your head are ‘why did he hit me?’ and ‘why did the man yell “Die zombie!”‘?

Potential Feedback Prompts

When you respond, you might consider:

• your immediate reactions
• likes and dislikes
• anything that seems unclear
• language issues
• point of view
• voice
• inconsistencies
• general encouragement

Thanks!

Today’s post is written by Mercia Dragonslayer, a semi-finalist in the Write It Sideways regular contributor search. Thanks, Mercia!

With November (National Novel Writing Month) well behind us, thousands of writers are wondering what, exactly, they want to do with their novel.

Some may order a proof copy from a self-publishing company and proudly show it to all their friends. Others may simple post it online, or keep it for private enjoyment. There is always a small crowd that decides to bury it in the closet, never to see the light of day again.

The final option is to edit, edit, edit.

The editing process is painful and difficult. It can be likened to tearing stubbing one’s toe or breaking a fingernail—there’s the big ouch moment before the torment recedes. The light at the end of the tunnel, so to speak, is the beautiful, finished product. Even with this reward in mind, writers have a strange reluctance to revise.

As a reluctant reviser, I use the following seven steps to tame my NaNoWriMo manuscript monster:

1. Finish the novel.

Some people edit as they write, but I find that continually editing kills my love for the story. If this works for you, great! If not, and you are easily distracted, concentrate on finishing the novel. This is the very first step. Once you are finished with this, label it Draft I.

Tech tip: I name each chapter file by draft. The first draft of Chapter One, for instance, might be “Chapter 1 FD.” The second draft would have the suffix SD, then TD, then 4D, then 5D, etc. This way, I can keep all of my files separate and I always know what goes with what.

2. Print it and forget it for a few weeks.

I realize that some people may not have the option to print the entire manuscript, but this is the best way to edit. Words appear differently on the computer screen than on paper. It’s also a lot easier on the eyes than staring at a computer screen all day.

If you wrote the novel by hand: I recommend keeping the paper on which you wrote it as your “printed copy.”

Waiting several weeks (or months) distances you mentally and emotionally from your novel. That way, you see what you really wrote instead of what you meant to write.

3. Make corrections on the paper.

Corrections come in three different types:

• Big Rearrangements: If there are scenes to cut or scenes to add, now is the time to do it. That’s not to say you can’t rearrange in a later draft, but it’s better to decide to take out the Thanksgiving Feast before you spend twenty minutes perfecting the description of the turkey coming out of the oven.
• Small Rearrangements: This paragraph belongs better here, and that section could be deleted entirely–that sort of thing. Don’t bother with these corrections unless you’ve already deleted the scenes you want to delete, or your work could be wasted.
• Consistency Check: Billy Joe Bob is actually named Willy Rob Joe on page 13, and Miss Outlaw uses both meters and yards to describe her archery distances. Reading over the draft to check for consistency is the best way to make sure story elements remain the same throughout the novel.

4. Look for honest feedback.

Find a willing, helpful friend who’s willing to read an awful first draft. The best beta readers are close friends who don’t care about hurting your feelings or complete strangers who also don’t care. An objective point of view finds the plot holes you can’t.

5. Make more corrections.

Take your beta’s suggestions and implement them if you think they help the story. Ultimately, it’s up to you to pick and choose. Then re-read the manuscript aloud, looking for places where the dialogue sounds stilted and stiff.

6. Type up the novel from scratch, using your printed draft & corrections.

If there are any new scenes to add or scenes to take away, now’s the time to implement those changes. Any grammar or spelling you happen to catch can be fixed here, too.

7. Find a proof-reader.

No matter how often a writer reads over her manuscript, a professional proof-reader (or Grammar Nazi parent/friend, if available) will edit more efficiently. Find a free editor lying about? Great! Take advantage of that! If not, it’s a good idea to make some effort to proof read your own novel (no one wants to read even a great story were gramer annd speling r reali bud).

Now, supposedly, at this point the novel could be done. However, since we all know that’s not the case, so I usually keep fiddling around with my own work until I think it’s finished.

As Michael Crichton says, “Books aren’t written–they’re rewritten. Including your own. It is one of the hardest things to accept, especially after the seventh rewrite hasn’t quite done it.”

Editor’s Note: How are you revising your NaNoWriMo manuscript? Are there any vital steps you think should be added to this list?

Mercia Dragonslayer blogs on Slaying Dragons when she has something fun or crazy to say. In 2010, she was published in The Young Writer’s Magazine. She lives in North Carolina with her family and two cats.

Please welcome today’s aspiring author, Cary Brunswick, ready for a peer critique. Take a moment to read the excerpt, then please leave some thoughtful feedback in the comment section below.

If you are a writer whose excerpt has appeared anonymously on Write It Sideways, and now you’d like your name to appear on your piece, please contact me.

If you’re interested in submitting an excerpt to be critiqued, keep an eye out for future calls which are advertised here a couple of times per year.

A Home on Rosy Mountain

Short Story

The buck tensed, as he stood hidden between the two spruces, watching the hunter below trudge through the leaves and begin climbing the opposite hillside. The buck must have sensed that the hunter was eager to find a lookout from which he could spot deer. The hunter then would call his buddies and tell them where to find them.

Clad in an orange coat and cap, and brown, insulated pants, the hunter clawed his way up through thick undergrowth. As he neared the top of the rise, he caught a glimpse of a platform high in an old oak tree that he figured some ambitious hunter constructed some years back.

The stand was high, maybe 50 or 60 feet up, and the man-made steps were missing until you reached maybe 25 feet. He stood at the base of the tree looking up, trying to decide if it was worth the effort to make the steps necessary to get to the platform.

“What the hell,’’ he said out loud to himself, “that would be a great place to get a view of the deer.’’

The next day, the hunter came back with nails, 1-by-3 fir strips and a 20-foot rope ladder. He told his friends he’d call as soon as he made it to the lookout.

As the hunter slowly made his way up the tree, nailing slats as he went, with his rifle slung over his shoulder, the buck and two others watched from their spruce row.

When the hunter neared the platform, the bucks grew agitated, looked at each other and then back to the old oak. Finally, as the hunter was about to reach over the edge of the platform, the bucks dashed toward the tree, snorting and circling it with abandon

The shocked hunter wasn’t sure how to respond at first. Hanging onto an edge of the platform with one hand, he tried to slide his rifle down his arm. It slid too quickly, however, and, trying to keep his grasp on the strap, he lost his balance and fell from the tree. He broke his fall a bit by latching onto branches and slats, but he fractured a leg and an arm when he hit the ground.

He lay there groaning, trying to fetch his cell phone from his coat, when he sensed the bucks glaring down at him.

Potential Feedback Prompts

When you respond, you might consider:

• your immediate reactions
• likes and dislikes
• anything that seems unclear
• language issues
• point of view
• voice
• inconsistencies
• general encouragement

Thanks!

Please welcome today’s anonymous aspiring author, ready for a peer critique. Take a moment to read the excerpt, then please leave some thoughtful feedback in the comment section below.

If you are a writer whose excerpt has appeared anonymously on Write It Sideways, and now you’d like your name to appear on your piece, please contact me.

If you’re interested in submitting an excerpt to be critiqued, please keep an eye out for future calls which are advertised here a couple of times per year.

It’s Not Me

YA Horror

“Angelica!”

Again with the yelling.

My sister seriously doesn’t get the idea of sleeping in. Or how mornings should be enjoyed in peace and—

“You said you’d drive today!”

Yeah. Yeah.

Glancing at the clock I’m annoyed to find I could have slept in twenty more minutes. Georgie was up hours ago, I’m sure. She loves the mirror and as hard as the truth is to me, that stupid piece of glass–and boys–love her.

I didn’t sleep well. I dreamed about Norma. My shrink told me to write down any memories that come to me, including dreams. But this sounds so cliché, like the heroine in a book who has an epiphany from a strange dream full of symbolism. It’s not me.

I put the scissors and newspaper away from last night. The obituaries can wait. My stomach grumbles, and I decide I’m okay to get up now, Dad’s making pancakes. Only in my dreams.

Dad’s already at work and Mom’s long gone.

I slither on the cleanest jeans from off the floor. One quick check in the mirror tells me my brown hair is a mess. I flip my head over, rub my hands through and straighten up. That’s how I roll.

Potential Feedback Prompts

When you respond, you might consider:

• your immediate reactions
• likes and dislikes
• anything that seems unclear
• language issues
• point of view
• voice
• inconsistencies
• general encouragement

Thanks!

Please welcome today’s anonymous aspiring author, ready for a peer critique. Take a moment to read the excerpt, then please leave some thoughtful feedback in the comment section below.

Note: If you are a writer whose excerpt has appeared anonymously on Write It Sideways, and now you’d like your name to appear on your piece, please contact me.

A Good Day

Literary Fiction

With shoes in hand, I crept lightly down the stairs and flinched each time a floorboard creaked, booming in the still house. Each step drew me closer to the door and, through its large window, my outside view widened. I felt my heart quicken as I turned the blackened brass doorknob. Opening the heavy oak door brought the scent of dry dirt and the Jasmine blossoms. The tender breeze carried the scent of the dew-loaded grass.  Tiptoeing onto the porch, the snap of the 100 year old boards echoed my presence and tattled of my movement across its badly painted surface.

At the edge of the porch, I sat down and slipped my feet into my “tennies”. I smiled as I remembered why they were called “tennies”—because “elevenies” were too big and “ninenies” were too small. What a dumb joke.

The sun had risen well above the horizon and the breeze picked up the combined sweet stink of the cattle feedlot and a more acid whiff of the nearby chicken coop. The summer morning’s breeze clutched the odors and mixed them into a bouquet of farm fragrance. I liked the smell. Taking a deep breath, I soared from the porch to gather my fishing gear from where I had stashed it the night before.

With rod & reel, worms—just dug up the previous evening, artificial lures, and extra hooks, I had hope of hookin’ a fish with every cast of the line. I scrambled across the soggy grass to the gravel road; made sure it was clear of traffic; and crossed the road into the field that would take me to my favorite fishing spot.

Potential Feedback Prompts

When you respond, you might consider:

• your immediate reactions
• likes and dislikes
• anything that seems unclear
• language issues
• point of view
• voice
• inconsistencies
• general encouragement

Thanks!

I have a friend who writes.

Though we get together often and talk about our writing, we haven’t exchanged pieces of writing for feedback until recently.

Last time we got together for coffee, the friend handed me her novel manuscript, and I handed her a short story (because my novel isn’t complete). Although I haven’t yet finished reading her manuscript due to time constraints, I’m working my way through it slowly and thoughtfully.

The next time someone hands you a piece of writing for feedback, here are some of the keys that contribute to providing a friend or writing group member with a constructive critique of their writing:

1. Read thoroughly.

There’s probably nothing worse than giving someone your writing and having them provide you with comments that show they really only skimmed your work. Things like, “I liked it. It was good. You’ve obviously worked hard on this,” don’t really mean anything to a writer.

Or, if the reader makes comments or suggestions for improvement that show they really didn’t understand the story, that will also be frustrating to the writer. (Not understanding a part of the story is perfectly fine if you’re reading thoroughly. Just let the writer know where and why you were confused).

If you don’t have time to critique someone’s work, or if you’d just rather not, let them know you don’t think you have time to right now to do it justice. If you do accept, read thoroughly so you can be sure to give helpful, relevant feedback.

2. Take notes as you go.

Don’t rely on your memory to hold onto all those comments until you finish reading. Instead, take notes as you go.

Ask the writer whether they want you to take notes directly on the manuscript, or on a separate piece of paper. I’m taking notes by hand for this particular manuscript, but I’ll type them up at the end to make them easier to read. Doing this shows that you really did give thoughtful attention to the whole book.

3. Praise, but don’t sugarcoat.

After handing me her novel, my writer friend warned, “Don’t be TOO nice!” That’s actually great advice.

There’s not much benefit for a writer in having her work unconditionally praised. Yes, every writer wants their work to be enjoyed, but they also know there’s always room for improvement. But, do offer praise for the things you liked, the ideas you thought were well-realized, and the parts that engaged you emotionally.

4. Be constructive, not harsh.

Tearing apart a writer’s manuscript will not make them thankful for your critique. It’s more likely to make them shelve the book indefinitely, or take to their room for a month.

The objective of constructive criticism is to be constructive, which means any feedback you offer should be actionable. That doesn’t mean you should gloss over problems, but do point them out in ways the author can understand and fix, like “I was confused here because… or “I didn’t think this character’s actions were in line with her motivations because…” or “This sentence was a bit long and convoluted. Is there a way to simplify it?”

5. Put aside your personal preferences.

You might not read and write within the same genre as your critique partner. In that case, don’t ask yourself, “Do I like this?” Instead, ask yourself, “Is this writer accomplishing what she’s set out to accomplish?”

I might not read science fiction or westerns, but that doesn’t mean that those genres are any less loved by readers than the genres I prefer. As much as possible, I have to put myself in the position of the book’s target audience so I can properly assess the writing.

Cruel to Be Kind?

The purpose of critiquing someone’s work is to point out the flaws in order to show them where they can improve. But it’s also about encouraging and supporting others in their pursuit of writing.

When critiquing, you don’t have to be cruel to be kind—be constructive to be kind.

• Do you regularly critique other writers’ work? 
• How do you aim to be constructive and honest while still encouraging and supporting? 
• What other ‘keys’ to constructive critiquing can you add to this list?