Please welcome today’s anonymous aspiring author, ready for a peer critique. Take a moment to read the excerpt, then please leave some thoughtful feedback in the comment section below.
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A Good Day
Literary Fiction
With shoes in hand, I crept lightly down the stairs and flinched each time a floorboard creaked, booming in the still house. Each step drew me closer to the door and, through its large window, my outside view widened. I felt my heart quicken as I turned the blackened brass doorknob. Opening the heavy oak door brought the scent of dry dirt and the Jasmine blossoms. The tender breeze carried the scent of the dew-loaded grass. Tiptoeing onto the porch, the snap of the 100 year old boards echoed my presence and tattled of my movement across its badly painted surface.
At the edge of the porch, I sat down and slipped my feet into my “tennies”. I smiled as I remembered why they were called “tennies”—because “elevenies” were too big and “ninenies” were too small. What a dumb joke.
The sun had risen well above the horizon and the breeze picked up the combined sweet stink of the cattle feedlot and a more acid whiff of the nearby chicken coop. The summer morning’s breeze clutched the odors and mixed them into a bouquet of farm fragrance. I liked the smell. Taking a deep breath, I soared from the porch to gather my fishing gear from where I had stashed it the night before.
With rod & reel, worms—just dug up the previous evening, artificial lures, and extra hooks, I had hope of hookin’ a fish with every cast of the line. I scrambled across the soggy grass to the gravel road; made sure it was clear of traffic; and crossed the road into the field that would take me to my favorite fishing spot.
Potential Feedback Prompts
When you respond, you might consider:
- your immediate reactions
- likes and dislikes
- anything that seems unclear
- language issues
- point of view
- voice
- inconsistencies
- general encouragement
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