Once again, an anonymous aspiring author has offered us a piece of writing for constructive criticism. Please take a few moments to read the excerpt and leave some feedback in the comment section below.
Blind Friendship
YA Romance
A loud crunch sounded as Evan’s foot landed on a freshly fallen autumn leaf. His head tilted to the side, a small smile crossing his face. “It’s fall,” he stated quietly. I felt the corners of my lips twitch upward in a little smile of my own. Fall had always been Evan’s favorite season.
“Well yeah,” I teased, “I mean it’s only October after all.” Evan rolled his eyes, but he ignored my smart ass comment, as he was wont to do.
“I thought I smelled it in the air.” His arm brushed against mine as we walked, his way of keeping track of me so we didn’t get separated. “Why didn’t you tell me the leaves had changed?” He looked slightly hurt. I knew better though. For someone who couldn’t see, Evan was a ridiculously good actor. It was almost like he didn’t need eyes to read a person’s emotions, to say exactly the right thing.
I nudged him gently in the side, smirking. “You didn’t ask.”
Evan stopped abruptly, crouching on the sidewalk. I’d already taken several steps past him when I realized that he wasn’t beside me anymore. I paused and turned, watching him, a small frown on my lips. I opened my mouth to ask what he was doing, but caught myself before I could make a sound. His long fingers reached out and touched the concrete sliding over its rough surface until they found a fallen leaf, brown and dry. He lifted it and held it in front of his eyes, staring straight ahead as if by sheer force of will he could make himself see.
After a few moments he sighed, crushing the leaf in his fist then letting the pieces fall from his hand to float away on the breeze. “What does it look like today?” he murmured.
Potential Feedback Prompts
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