Write It Sideways

Excerpt Critique: “Help In Ages Past,” Sci-Fi

Please welcome today’s aspiring author Laurel C. Kriegler, with an excerpt ready to be critiqued. Take a moment to read the piece, then please leave some feedback for this writer in the comments section below.

Help in Ages Past

Science Fiction

The dome appeared to be made of white tiles, with some bright blue bonding between them; a ring of lights lit up its interior. Glancing around, he saw that there was a circular track on the floor of the cavern. In addition, he noticed that the elevated platform was gradually moving away from the cylinder that he was in. What could they be planning to do with this? And why now, when the war was so vicious, were they playing with experiments? He was not normally one to question orders, but this one made less than no sense.

While he watched, the dome descended further, eventually blocking out the control room from his view, and came to rest on the tracks in the floor. And there it stayed.

As he waited in the silence, he heard a humming penetrate through the liquid. It built up in intensity until it was throbbing through his body like a dull ache; sparks began to fire off randomly from all over the inside of the dome. This puzzled him. Clearly there was some sort of energy field developing … After a while, the sparks began to form into tongues of blue energy that all seemed to be attracted to where he was. They intensified, rising to a crescendo of blue light; the woven strands arced in on his position in a whirling vortex of power. The world around him went white, the outlines of objects dimly visible through the haze. Power pulsed through the liquid, surged through his body, and then everything vanished …

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