Write It Sideways

Excerpt Critique: “The Elder Kaitlyn,” Sci-Fi

Please welcome today’s anonymous aspiring author, ready for a peer critique.

Take a moment to read the excerpt, then please leave some thoughtful feedback in the comment section below.

If you are a writer whose excerpt has appeared anonymously on Write It Sideways, and now you’d like your name to appear on your piece, contact me.

If you’d like to submit your own writing for critique, keep an eye out for future calls posted on the blog.

Protected Planet: The Other Kaitlyn

Science Fiction/Fantasy

Please note: This excerpt is taken from the beginning of the work.

Bran and Xendra were happy. Together they walked, hand in hand, back from tending the palfreys, the dog-ponies, this planet’s version of gentle horses.

‘We’ll have to name the two we brought from the smaller continent. They’re recovered well now. The kaitlyn are pleased, too,’ Xendra said. Her light brown hair waved in the warm breeze, her loose tunic and trousers showing her slim outline.

Yanni and Xillia have put a lot of work into helping them trust people again,’ Bran said. ‘They should be consulted on names. Yanni is getting to be quite a good aircar pilot too.’

‘If you say that, First Officer Bran McNulty, that means Yanni is an excellent pilot.’ Bran was without doubt one of the most skilled pilots who’d ever been in the Space Navy or Merchant Space Service. His once pale face was now bronzed, his dark brown hair lightened by the planet’s sun. His brown eyes smiled into her dark grey ones.

Back at Homecamp, preparing stew, they they were interrupted.

Two kaitlyn came into camp. Xendra reached for Bran’s hand, already beginning to go deep into herself to ask the cat-beings what they wished.

The two kaitlyn extended their hands, each taking a human hand in his own forepad, long finger-toes, claws carefully retracted, curling round the soft human hands. Sensing came to Bran and Xendra.

Trouble. The smaller continent. Kaitlyn need help, territory in difficulty, plants sick, dying. Go. Meet – lake with river.

Potential Feedback Prompts

When you respond, you might consider: