Dirty diapers. Late-night feedings. Hyperactive toddlers. Mountains of laundry. Spaghetti stained floors. Swimming lessons. Play dates. Field trips.
They say a mother’s work is never finished.
For me, one of the biggest challenges in my writing journey is finding a balance between full-time mothering and writing.
In 2010, I wrote the first draft of a novel while caring for my two children, one of whom was a newborn baby at the time. I chronicled some of the ups and downs of that year in articles such as No Time to Write? 5 Ways to Keep the Muse Alive and How to Motivate Yourself to Write When You’re Tired.
I’m not the most organized person, so finding time to write in the midst of a busy schedule has been a challenge. Summoning the motivation to write between the constant demands of motherhood isn’t easy.
Still, finishing the first draft of my novel has been one of the most satisfying experiences I’ve had, and this year I look forward to working on subsequent drafts. I hope to have a polished novel by the end of 2011.
One of my other goals for this year is to write an eBook specifically geared toward writing and motherhood—a productivity guide for busy moms who have always dreamed of writing a novel.
My preliminary vision for this eBook includes (but is not limited to):
- Time saving strategies for moms of babies, toddlers, and school-aged children
- Interviews with published authors who are/have been full-time moms
- Printable worksheets for setting goals, finding ideas, outlining, etc.
- Helpful tips on setting up a regular writing schedule
- Questions and answers from moms who have written novels
- Handy links to free online resources for writers
This is where you come in.
I want this eBook to be as authentic as possible in solving the types of problems real writer-moms face. (While the book will be geared toward motherhood, much of the content will be applicable to busy writer-dads too!)
At some point, I’ll create an in-depth questionnaire for those who’d like to contribute their own thoughts and stories to the eBook.
But for now, if you’re a busy mom (or dad) interested in writing fiction—specifically, a novel—please take a moment to share with me your thoughts on the following:
- What’s holding you back from starting or finishing the novel you’ve always wanted to write?
- What barriers need to be removed for you to accomplish your novel-writing goals?
- What resources would you like to see included in this eBook?
What are your biggest challenges of writing and motherhood?
Please share in the comments section below.
Energy! Sleepless nights, demanding children. Giving due attention to children, house & writing.
Also, many kind & helpful friends have suggested making housework less of a priority but at the end of the day I’m only 1 of 4 people whose home this is and my first priority as part of caring for these people has to be providing a safe, clean, comfortable home.
Think energy is the main thing though! Thanks, great idea doing an ebook on this. Such a challenging balance. I think it’s actually worse in some ways than writing around a paid job because at least (in most jobs) you can “clock off”; as a mum you’re on call 24/7.
Sorry for rambling; great job again!
As a full-time mother to three little ones (just turned 5, 3 1/2, and just turned 2), I think the biggest challenge in writing is finding a block of time when I can get into my creative flow. By the time the children go to bed I’m drained. I usually write during their afternoon naptime, but that’s often not terribly long. That said, I completed a first draft literary novel last year and am also hoping to have a polished novel by the end of 2011, so I look forward to hearing more of your thoughts on writing and motherhood!
* What’s holding you back from starting or finishing the novel you’ve always wanted to write?
Mental energy. I used to think it was time, but have found (especially now that my youngest is a year and a half, and the oldest is in school) that I can find time and have learned how to use small amounts of time, but my brain is often just mush. This, I think, has nothing to do with willpower or planning and I have no idea what to do about it.
* What barriers need to be removed for you to accomplish your novel-writing goals?
Regardless of what I said above, more time *would* be nice, if only to use it to recharge my dead brain.
A stronger sense of the importance of my writing. Not in some grand literary sense, just in my own life and maybe someone else’s.
* What resources would you like to see included in this eBook?
Sometime besides the same ol’ buckle-down and do it already advice. Whenever I read that I think, “Oh really? You mean I just need to DO IT? That helps a lot – THANKS.” I can buckle-down. I’m not a lazy idiot.
Interested to see how this turns out!
This is a great posting! I’m writing a non-fiction piece, but I get the whole thing about balancing motherhood and writing. It is a HUGE challenge. I find it hard to declutter because my daughter is like a little tornado. She’s my priority, but I feel that I do need to spend some significant time on my writing goals and on actual writing.
You hit on a really important topic, and I think your e-book will be a huge success.
Thank you for thinking of this book. It sounds like a useful resource. One of the most difficult obstacles I face is putting my writing first. This year, I’ve put everyone on notice that my writing is my job; however, in previous years, it has been a constant juggling act to keep the boundaries around my “work” self and my “mommy” self.
I’m not sure if this is what you’re looking for. My three sons are in school during the day, so I make it a point to write while school’s in session (I’m fortunate enough to not work a day job). When the boys get home, I turn my writer brain off (somewhat) and turn on mommy brain. Homework, driving to track practice, dinner, lunches for the next day, etc. During the summer months, I still get lots of work done by announcing to the kids that it’s time for mom to work, then I shut the door for a little while.
I’m always interested in reading material about the art of balancing the writing life with the mommy life.
Energy…that’s what I need. I wrote more than 20k words on a novel last spring by getting up at five every morning to write before my daughter got up. Then I hit a wall and couldn’t muster the energy I needed to drag myself out of bed before her 6 AM wake-up. I agree with KB: any other free time throughout the day, my brain is mush. Now that I’m pregnant with our second child, I don’t expect it to get better.
My other barrier is guilt. I feel my daughter should come first, so stealing time away for my writing feels selfish. I try to remind myself it’s not as bad as having a FT job outside the home, but that doesn’t help. Also, we’re living with my parents right now, so I feel compelled to help keep the house spotless rather than letting some things slide like I might normally (and no, I wouldn’t have a problem doing that to some degree!).
A great post; very apropos for me. Thanks for sharing!
Julia Cameron wrote in one of her books (couldn’t tell you which one) she (and her mother) wrote around life. They didn’t take an hour or two of time, they wrote five minutes here and there. So, that’s what I try to do.
It was easier when I only hasd one and she was in kindergarten half the day, I spent an hour doing housework and 2 hours writing.
Now my son is still a baby and I write when I can. I try to always have my WIP open on the computer and i type a few lines when he is busy or eating. And when he sleeps of course.
What I would love is for my DH to recognize that I work all day as well. And I need time to destress and do “me” things. Negotiating tactitcs are what I need help on. How do we both get our own destress time, time together and take care of the house and children?
I’ve managed to write one novel (twice, that’s another story) in the 9 months since his birth. I hope to write and edit one novel and 2 short stories a year for the next 2 years.
Hi! So glad to see this coming! I am happy to help you!
My biggest challenge as a mom to three (ages 8, 2, and 3) is time! I am also a full time school teacher! So the big thing for me is just fitting everything in. I also have a probelm with being able to concentrate – sometimes I can catch a few quiet moments when they are watching a movie or playing outside, but the constant checking on them or interruptions are very difficult. I find myself talking to myself – trying to keep the scenes in my head so that I can write them when they go to bed.
I would be happy to help you!
Great idea, Suzanne. Best of luck with it. Will try to contribute something as I am a mother trying to be a writer.
Definitely time. I’m getting older, which means I need more sleep to function than I used to. Exercise is also more important. Still, I’ve got to juggle the schedules of three children in different stages–a kindergartener, a grade school and a high schooler. I’m married. I work full-time. I volunteer at church. So time is the biggest thing for me.
I also need time to vegetate. I find I can’t fill every waking moment, not even to write.
I bake to relax and to put some yummy love in my kids’ tummies.
I’m trying to be more deliberate about how I spend my time, whether it’s reading, watching TV or writing. TV is beginning to lose ground, and that’s a good thing.
I also have to think hard about what my writing goals are and how best to achieve them. Every contest, every article, every online class, every market is not for me.
Carrying a notepad to jot down ideas or scribble out a scene helps loads. Better than a laptop because no one has figured out a way to connect the Internet to a spiral pad as yet.
Think 10 minutes because it’s an easy increment to commit to. Often ten minutes turns into 30-60 minutes of writing.
Get the children to write while I write. They’re excited about creating stories and comic books as they learn to read and write.
The whole family has come to value creative time, which helps them better understand when I say, “Mommy needs to write right now.” Might be drawing, coloring, writing, listening to music…whatever. Gets everyone on the same plane.
I’m definitely lacking energy at the end of the day. I wake up early to go to the gym because I need to make time for that, then it’s off to work, then home and cooking and playing with my 4 year old son. By the time he heads to bed, I’m ready to collapse. What I really try to do is just tell myself I’ll write for 15 minutes or 50 words – if I can get to that point I usually can do more – it’s getting just to there that is a challenge. Luckily my husband is a BIG help around the house so I am lucky there. I think a helpful section in a book would be how to convince your family you are Serious About Writing and how to get help from them.
There is no I in motherhood but there is one in writer. Finding time is not a problem. If you want to write bad enough, you’ll not only fing the time, you’ll make the time. Even if it means just ten minutes a day. If you want it bad enough there’s no excuse. What hampers me the most is the emotional side of being a parent and a writer. As a mother of two young children and having a very sick mother to worry about, the guilts set in pretty quickly. I would rather write than having to deal with having to tell the kids for the twentieth time to clean their rooms. I feel guilty because my husband goes to work and if I did too then we would have our house paid off sooner. I beat myself up because my kids ask me why Dad’s tucking them in why aren’t. There are so many more emotional aspects to being a parent and a writer at the same time. Sometimes I deal with it other times it’s hard but at the end of the day I ‘m teaching my children a valuable lesson. No matter who you are or how old you are follow your passion and your dreams. With this in mind I’ve almost completed my first novel and have a first draft of my second novel finished. If I can do it, so can you. Don’t give up your dreams because of guilt or because you can’t find the time. Family comes first. Parenting is tough at the best of times. Parents are a tough breed of people. Writers are parents too and I’m greatful that I’m not the only one.
Thanks to all the moms who have already chimed in about their biggest challenges in balancing writing with parenthood! I’ll be taking notes on each of your comments and seeing how I can work them into my outline. Much appreciated!
My biggest problem is keeping my train of thought. I get an idea and start to run with it, but before I get it all out, I have a child or my husband interrupting me. As soon as one person hears another speaking to me, it’s like a magnetic force and they all come up with a reason to interupt. Then my train derails and crushes the idea beneath it. ACK!
I’ve tried the shoo-ing motion, plugging my ears while staring bug-eyed at my laptop, shooting out a death-ray look, even threatening divorce and boarding school to any who dare speak or fight in my presence. My family is oblivious. I want a plexiglass bubble. It needs to be shatter-proof and sound-proof (well only sound-proofed to anyone speaking directly to me, a little background noise is helpful) and frost over when anyone comes into my view, thereby protecting me from fish faces being made on my bubble.
The best thing I’ve come up with is telling my family I’m bubblizing. When one dares approach, I calmly remind them, “Don’t poke my bubble.”
Not the greatest solution, but it works.
Also, I have a supportive husband, so rather than saving for pedicures, massages, etc…, I save for a hotel night. Once a year, I attend a writer’s convention and get a room. It’s a wonderful respite. I get a bath (no loud teen music, no twins fighting outside the bath beginning me not to use their bubble bath, and no husband drinking a glass of wine before he gets it to the bathroom). I also have full control of the TV remote allowing me to find the perfect background noise for writing. The conference sessions fire up my creative spark so when I get in my room, I can write for hours. Pure bliss!
I’ve recommended a hotel-night to other writer friends. Even if there is no conference, I recommend it. Instead of $75 dollars on a mani-pedi-facial that last a few hours. You can check in as soon as the hotel allows, enjoy the clean facilities that you didn’t, and don’t need to, clean and write in peace. You end up going home feeling refreshed and ready for sticking hands embracing you.
Love your ebook idea, can’t wait to read it.
What a great idea! I was pregnant with my oldest girl when I started my first novel and she had just turned one when my trilogy sold to my publisher, so combining writing and full-time mothering is all I’ve ever known. But it’s still a daily challenge, especially now that she’s been joined by her baby sister. I would say that guilt is one of the biggest challenges and one I’d love to see talked about in your e-book. Even though it’s usually my husband who takes charge of my girls while I write, it’s HARD to rip myself away from them even for an hour or two a day.
Hi Anna! Thanks for sharing your experience of getting published while having young children to care for. Perhaps when I get around to conducting some interviews, you’d be willing to answer a few questions to be included in the eBook? I’ll contact you via your website in the future. Thanks again!
Hi Suzannah,
Of course! I would love to be interviewed. I love connecting with other writing mamas! Feel free to drop me a line with questions any time.