Here is our second anonymous excerpt ready for critique.
The first got some excellent reader feedback, and I wish the author all the best with his/her writing.
Please leave some feedback for the author in the comments section below.
The sun had barely crested the horizon when Emily Martin’s eyes snapped open. A chill ran over her body as she sensed his pain and fear. Her dark eyes filled with tears. Emily had no choice, she had to go to him. She couldn’t let him suffer alone.
Emily crawled to the edge of the bed she shared with her older brother Daniel. Carefully, Emily wriggled down the side of the bed ’till her feet touched the cool hardwood floors. She held her breath as Daniel rolled over. He would yell for their mother if he knew she was sneaking out of the house again. Daniel murmured something and stilled. Emily sighed with relief. Satisfied that he was still asleep, she tip-toed toward the front door. When she reached the living room she could hear the contented sounds of her father’s humming. She eased forward to peer around the corner. Casey was busy slicing bacon as he fried several eggs. Emily didn’t know where her mother was but didn’t dare wait a second longer. Darting on clawed tip-toes for the front door, she gently pulled it open and slipped out into the frost covered dawn.
Emily crouched next to the front door and glanced around to be sure she hadn’t been observed. The air was cool as it whipped through Emily’s long ebony tresses. The obsidian feathers that protruded from her golden skin rippled in the wind and caused her to shiver. Glancing around once more, Emily darted for the forest and vanished into the shadows.
Potential Feedback Prompts
When you respond, you might consider:
- your immediate reactions
- likes and dislikes
- anything that seems unclear
- language issues
- point of view
- general encouragement
Thanks for your help, everyone. I’ll put out another call for submissions very soon.