Please welcome today’s anonymous aspiring author, ready for a peer critique.
Take a moment to read the excerpt and leave some thoughtful feedback in the comment section below.
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*Please note: This excerpt is taken from the beginning of the work.
From somewhere deep within my dreams I heard my baby sister’s hungry cry. I scrambled through the cobwebs of sleep and looked for the luminous display of the alarm clock on my bedside table.
I had to get up quickly or else little Zoe’s cry would wake my brothers in the next room and it was way too early for their antics.
I threw off the duvet and crossed the room to her cot. The early dawn light was weak but there was just enough to make out Zoe’s scrunched up features.
I tried to sooth her by hushing her in gentle tones and stroking her face. But she wasn’t having it. She was adamant that now was the time for breakfast and she howled louder to make sure I understood.
I whipped on my pink, over-sized dressing gown and bundled Zoe up in my arms; by the smell of things it was a clean nappy she was after too!
Together we descended downstairs as the rest of the household slept on.
I warmed a bottle of milk in a bowl of hot water as I had observed so many times before. Zoe was much happier in a clean nappy and together we snuggled on the sofa. I listened to the soft, rhythmic gulps as Zoe fed and watched her chubby little hands come to rest on the bottle. I was careful to keep the teat full of milk so she wasn’t taking in gulps of air; and her eyes flickered closed in contentment.
Potential Feedback Prompts
When you respond, you might consider:
- your immediate reactions
- likes and dislikes
- anything that seems unclear
- language issues
- point of view
- general encouragement