Today’s post is written by Christi Craig, a finalist in The First Ever Write It Sideways Blogging Contest. Thanks, Christi!
I love it when my kids get hold of my camera.
Really.
Their photos serve as a study of daily life, and, for a brief moment in time, I see the world through their eyes. They capture a blurred vision of me in the kitchen. They frame a face peering through a doorway. There’s perspective in a view from the top of the stairs. And, I wonder if they comprehend the tension built into an image where a checkbook sits on top of a pile of scattered mail.
Always, their photos hint at some deeper meaning.
When I flipped through pictures that my four year old daughter took recently, I saw a heartbreaking pattern: me, wearing reading glasses while I worked on my laptop; me, at the island in the kitchen typing away on my laptop; me, serving as backdrop behind a portrait of her doll, sporting my laptop. It was a painful truth and a testament to the life of a mother writer. I am always stealing time to write.
Sayantani DasGupta, in her essay, On Being a Woman Writer: An Open Letter to Virginia Woolf, (published in Literary Mama) speaks eloquently of the struggles we face as mothers who write:
I have to write quickly, Virginia, before these pebbles I have been rolling around in my mouth all day, repeating and reciting and reforming, lose their nuance and their groove, and smooth over, becoming blank faced and heavy. By tomorrow these words will become inarticulate stones in my pockets…so that I will snap unnecessarily at my children, break my own rules about junk food snacking to keep them quiet, and most shockingly, turn on the television just because they ask, as I desperately scribble…[on]…anything I can find….”
Maintaining a delicate balance between life as a mother and life as a writer remains a constant battle, but I refuse to give up on one life or the other. As a mother, I can’t; as a writer I won’t. What’s left is a mixture of days when I’m either distracted by projects and spend too much time at the screen, or when I let go of writing all together and then anguish over the fact that no words ended up on a page. Whatever the case, I am reminded that any time spent writing is precious and must be spent wisely.
Every time I sit in limbo between Mother and Writer, I remember the reasons I choose to be both: to record my children’s history, to keep my sanity for my children’s sake, to honor my creative self so that my children will honor theirs. I don’t want my laptop to take precedence, but I also don’t want to be the parent who mutters “some day. Maybe.” Writing is a part of my daily life, as are my children. And, what they see, what I see through them, keeps both sides of me in check.
Christi Craig lives in Wisconsin with her husband and two children. She is a sign language interpreter and a writer. Her work has been published online and in print, and she was recently featured on Lisa Cron’s blog, Wired for Story (Writing Groups: From Pass the Prozac to Eureka!). In April 2010, she was chosen as a Finalist in Glimmer Train’s Family Matters Contest. You can follow her on Twitter, friend her on Facebook, and catch up with her at her blog, Writing Under Pressure.
This is my life, Christi. I can SOOOOOOOO relate!
Kim, Thanks for your comment. There’s strength in numbers 🙂
Beautiful essay, Christi! It’s fascinating to view yourself through someone else’s eyes. Although, I can’t help but wonder if your take on the photos – “a heartbreaking pattern” – differs from what your daughter was really capturing: the beauty of her mother doing what she loves.
Erika, 🙂 I love your perspective. You just hit the nail on the head: balancing what I see with what she sees! Thanks!
Christi, this is fabulous! I’m not a mom, but so many of my writer friends are, and this perfectly summed up what many have shared with me: “I am reminded that any time spent writing is precious and must be spent wisely.”
Beth, Thanks so much for your comment. Many of the lessons I learn from being a mother translate well into my life as a writer, to cherish time spent on the craft being one, and that there’s always meaning even in blurry images.
Lovely, Christi, and a philosophy I embrace wholeheartedly.
To echo what Erika said, (heh on the alliteration) those photographs are as easily interpreted as endorsement rather than accusation. I wonder what she’d record when you’re fresh from a good writing session and re-engage as a parent, your heart still flooded with bliss.
Thanks, Jan. And “flooded with bliss”…that would be a great picture! I love it, and if anyone could capture it, I bet she could 🙂
Oh, this was fabulous Christi. It is such a balance of following dreams, and still being present.
Amanda, Your comment is the exact goal I aim for daily, especially “being present.” You said it well!
I am there as well. Fifteen minutes at a time I steal my writing time between diaper changes and homeschooling. (I haven’t gone a day without changing a diaper in over six years.)
And you’re also right about the pictures. I love the perspectives they capture.
Rebecca, Phew — Six years! And, homeschooling to boot. That’s amazing and wonderful, and I bet you’re the master at multi-tasking!
On pictures, I have one that my nephew took years ago of me and my sister, leaning in to ensure we even showed up in the shot. There’s an energy of laughter and spontaneity in that picture that I love so well, that only a kid could zoom in on!
Christy, your post touches at the heart of women in the arts … we are never just painters, muscians or writers, we are always … and a mother and a wife and a day worker and … in the long road behind my child-rearing years I can see the scattered days and nights of their first steps, reading with mom, playing or complaining with mom … mom with a book in one hand and a child in the other.
We are always all things for all people and we nurture and care for everyone, too often to the exclusion of ourselves.
I love this … it speak to the heart of who women are as writers … thanks 🙂
Well said, Florence! Creativity is just a piece of who we are, but it’s such a crucial piece. I always think of Julia Cameron’s The Artist’s Way when I think about balance (a book that helped jump-start my journey as a serious writer). There are so many great passages I could quote from that book, but this one speaks directly to your comment: As artists, we must learn to be self nourishing.
What you’re doing IS so important for your children: “to honor my creative self so that my children will honor theirs.” I’m the daughter of an artist who belittled his own efforts, and so I only came to honor my art as an adult.
They’ll thank you one day. –Debra
Debra, Thanks for your comment. I’ll keep your words close at hand 🙂
So very true that our children see a side of us that we tend to overlook. Yet beyond missing us, they are studying us, our habits, our drives, how we manage our world which are often more important things for them to learn then simply spending time rolling a ball back and forth with them and infinitely better than watching television. Teaching by example followed by a smile and love often has a wonderful and long-enduring impact that will serve our young treasures throughout their lives.
Excellent essay, thanks!
Thanks, Gene. for your insightful comment!
Christi, this is such a beautiful and an affirming post. Our son is in college, but I also struggled to maintain that delicate balance of writing and parenting while he was young, and I’m so very glad I did rather than wait until now to begin my writing life. It not only made me a better writer, it made me a better parent.
Lisa, I’m so glad you shared your experience here. I do believe that paying attention to both sides of myself enriches my life in a host of ways — parenting informs writing and vice versa.
very nice post! There will always be something to make us feel guilty as mothers…the surprising thing is that it’s not always what we expect. I agree with Erika, maybe the laptop moments are the only ones when you’re still enough to photograph…after all, kids don’t take pictures when we’re playing with them.
Helen, I love your comment! It completely makes sense when I think about the photo of a blurry Me flying through the kitchen 🙂
I feel for you. Admire you. And wish to cheer you on. My children are grown but I remember giving up reading into the night so I wouldn’t be half asleep during the day. Or not pursuing my dreams because of my hectic lifestyle with four kids. So, Kudos and all that jazz because you will teach your children not to give up.
Although I am not a mother yet, this is one of my concerns. I love that you wrote about this. It is a great article.
Thanks so much for this post, Christi! I’m having a mommy-morning right this second. My 16-month-old is still getting up pretty much every morning at 4:30 am, and I constantly feel zonked. Need to catch up on about a years’ worth of sleep!
My older son has been on school holidays for the last two weeks as well, so there’ hasn’t been a whole lot of writing getting done. But I do know that come Monday, when Big Boy is at school and Little Boy is having a nap, I’ll be free (well, for an hour or so)!
Balancing writing and motherhood isn’t easy, but it can be done. Here’s to wishing all of us mother-writers peaceful, productive days!
Suzannah, Here, here! *clinks coffee cup* I hope you had a productive day. And, thank you so much for hosting me here.
My sons are now grown but they remember me writing. They cheer me on now that they see my blog and realize why I needed to write so much. They love it now that my journals become public writing, so good for you. Strike a balance between mothering and writing and sleep. I rmrmber many sleepless nights while I wrote till I could sleep.
I feel like this was written just for me. Thank you.
This post vibrated my soul and brought tears to my eyes. I am a new first time mother and struggling writer, your post and the comments form others really offered a new viewpoint- fresh perspective. Thanks all!!
Alice and Ashley, I so appreciate your comments. Thank you.
Clarbojahn, I’m counting on my kids responding the way yours have responded 🙂
Shay, Again, I believe there’s strength in numbers. And, like Suzannah said, we can find that balance, with determination and persistence. I hope you have a writing-filled day!
Thanks for a wonderful, perceptive article! So many of us are living this experience.
MasalaMamma and Erin, I’m so glad the post was helpful. Keep on keeping on, mamas!
@openid-22233:disqus — great job. Balance … it’s a hard thing to find because children and writing don’t always like to wait their turn.